DEJA VU

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FOR : MARCH 2014

DEJA VU

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            Another train puffed its way in to the station. The coolies in faded red uniforms broke out of inertia to take position in front of assigned areas for the coaches to stop. It seemed like they had an unwritten law about the territories they were to operate in.

Amal rubbed his eyes and looked around. His big eyes were filled with fear and hope to find a familiar face appear to bring an end to his gnawing worries. For the last four days he has been waiting and watching the same scene repeat a number of times and had come to the conclusion that in a busy railway station like the Sealdah, it is easy to lose one’s way. He held his younger brother Binod’s  hand tightly to give the child some comfort. They were both tired and famished. For the past few days they have been living on food that was discarded by passengers before they could board the train. It was a tough fight to get the morsels before the pie dogs could get to them.

Suddenly there was a sea of humanity bursting out of all corners of the platform. As the crowd grew wild, Amal tightened his grip on his brother's hand further. He looked into his tired eyes frightened by the noise and crowd around them.  The brothers also knew that it was time for the ticket checkers and the railway guards to begin their periodic vigil. They would ask the same questions and try to shoo them off from their spot. It has been the case for the last four days. Somehow Amal had learnt the trick by now to give them evasive answers quite unfalteringly.

            The Howrah - New Jalpaiguri train was about to leave when the TC in his frayed black uniform saw the two young boys huddling together with the same look of concern in their eyes he saw the day before. And of course, at the same spot. He thought for a moment and decided to give them a spray of ‘gaalis’. It always gave him a  sense of achievement to vent out his frustrations on the helpless. He suppressed a yawn and looked at the time and realised he was tired from his overnight trip overboard. Nevertheless, he was determined and moved towards the boys. He still had some time in hand for some entertainment before he could catch the last bus to go back home.

            "Hey, you. What do you think you two are doing here again today?" He looked monstrous to the boys. They clutched each other's hands hard.

            "We are waiting," Amal tried to sound calm, but he knew his knees were shaking. What if the TC threw them out of the station? They would have nowhere to go.

            "Waiting?" The TC's eyes narrowed. "Waiting for whom? For the Governor to come and take you home, I suppose." He spat out some paan and wiped his mouth with his jacket sleeve.

            "No, I mean, we told you before that we are waiting for our Mamu to take us back to the village," Amal sounded brave enough to utter those words without shaking with fear. He was not quite sure how long that wait would be but he also knew by now that if they did not weep or look unnecessarily frightened, nobody could really bother them.

            A bunch of station urchins had tried to befriend them several times. For Amal and Binod they were difficult to communicate with. The kids spoke a different language. It was a mixture of rudimentary Hindi and Bengali slang which they could not follow. No one spoke like that in their little village. They realized that it was perhaps the language of the city. Not realizing what response was expected from them, they just stared at them with vacant eyes. The kids found it amusing and made fun of them. Some threw stones at them and some tugged at their torn shirts. When they got no satisfactory response from the two ‘village idiots’, they grew tired of harassing them and left them alone.

            "What are you staring at me for?" The TC snarled." Tell me why you are waiting here doing nothing?" He definitely sounded menacing. “I see you two standing here everyday. Tell me, do you belong to a gang? You think you can fool me? I’ll drag you to the police and hand you two over if you don’t tell me the truth.”  The man spat out some ‘supaari’ from his mouth on to the railway tracks.

            Little Binod was almost in tears when Amal blurted out, " Oh, please don’t. Mamu told us that he would come and take us back to the village. I swear," Amal was pleading.
            "You swear !  ‘Saala’, who are you kidding? Your Mamu is coming back to take you home? You idiots, he has left you two here to die. Do you know that? He doesn’t want you. He left you here to get rid of you and your stupid brother. He doesn't care if you go without food or have no shelter in this strange huge city or even if somebody kills you. He wants you to die, do you understand?"  The TC's voice was rising. He wasn't sure who he was angry with, the kids or the much revered ‘Mamu’ who had left the two boys to fend for themselves in a jungle like Calcutta. 

            A small crowd of curious people in no hurry was gathering around them. The TC looked around and beamed with pride for having discovered the secret plans of the maternal uncle of the two hapless boys. There were comments in mixed languages from the crowd around. Most of them laughed and poured out gaalis to the absent ‘Mamu’ for being so cruel. But none showed signs of offering a helping hand. Some waited a few moments and then moved on and some lingered to watch the fun or more drama to take place.

            “What’s going on here? Why are you blocking the way? Let people pass.?” Deeksha was screaming. She was taking a group of ladies to the centre for destitute women to a village nearby. The crowd in front of them was not letting them pass. She saw the TC and yelled. “Look here, Sir. Why can’t we pass? Tell these people to make way, for god’s sake. We are looking for our coach.”

            The TC saw a fairly young woman in good clothes accompanied by some well-to-do ladies wiping the sweat from their faces with fancy hankies. They were all glaring at him. His expression changed immediately. He waved out to the children and the crowd to move on and approached them straightening his jacket.

            “Sorry Madam. These kids are a nuisance. For the last four days they have been waiting for someone to take them back home. Some lies! Who knows if they are part of a gang of robbers! These days they are using kids to do the preliminary work. So I was just checking if all was ok!” He wiped his face. “Yes, Madam, what is your problem?”

            “We are looking for the AC Chair Car. I believe they have changed its position these days.” Deeksha said looking at the two boys clutching each other. They looked like they had not eaten or slept for days.

            “Please follow me,” the TC moved on with the ladies in tow.

            “What did you say the story was of the two boys?” Deeksha asked the TC as they walked along.

            “Oh. It’s nothing unusual. They say their Mamu had brought them from the village to take them to their a unt’s house in Calcutta. He couldn’t feed them anymore, I guess. He had told them to wait at a spot while he went to call up the aunt. The boys were to wait for him to come back. If the aunt was not home, he would take them back to the village. But you and I both know that he would never come back.” He laughed. “Madam, this is happening to so many kids everyday and they are becoming a liability to the station people, you know.”

“So what will you do with them?”

“What can I do? I am a poor man myself, Madam. Perhaps some gangsters will find them useful and take them under their wings. Begging is an industry these days.” He laughed showing his teeth that were red from chewing beetle leaves.

            They stopped at a place where the AC Chair Car had stopped. Deeksha thanked the TC and got busy boarding the train with her friends discussing the new projects they have developed for destitute and battered women in the villages. The NGO or the welfare organization they represent has adopted to educate and empower these women.

The train stopped lazily at the station. It was already dark and  there was a steady flow of commuters rushing to get on board to go home to nearby towns. Deeksha always wondered why people ran to board a train. It would wait for a while anyway.

            The ladies were still chattering with pride at the thought of their

project’s success at the village centre of their organization. It had

been a successful trip and they were already planning their next move to adopt some more villages with a great mission.

            “My god! Look at those two boys. They are still waiting.” Deeksha gasped.

            “Which boys?” Manjula Biswas was curious.

            “Over there, by the pillar. Can you see them, Manjuladi?” Deeksha said.

            “Oh, yeah, the ones waiting for their uncle to take them back to the village?” said Aroti Mazumdar. “My goodness, they are still hopeful!”

            “This is ridiculous.” Majula Biswas sounded angry. “Why doesn’t the man come and get them? How can one be so irresponsible?”

            “Didn’t you hear what the TC said this morning? They come from the villages to leave unwanted people like relatives who are a burden on them to fend for themselves or die in the city. I guess, most of them are kids and old people.” Deeksha sounded exasperated.

            “How cruel!” Indrani Ghosh was almost in tears. How can they do this?”
            ”Well, there is no law against this?” Deeksha said. “It’s a question of  moral values. You can’t be humane when you can’t get food for yourself. How do you expect them to feed others?”

            “This is why the crime rate has gone up. You see, if poverty is not dealt with, depravity is bound to set in,” said Majula Biswas quite wisely.

            “Well, can’t we do something about this?” said Indrani almost to herself.

            “In fact, I am going to go and talk to those boys now.” Deeksha marched up ahead. The ladies looked at each other and decided to follow her. They handed their bags to the driver waiting for them to take them back home and walked towards the boys sitting close to each other on the dirty platform floor. Deeksha was standing before them and talking to them already.

            “Hello, what are you two doing here?” Deeksha said sweetly.

The boys looked at her with distrust. But something in her manner and tone of voice told them she was, after all, not going to hurt them.

They stared at her while she repeated the same question again and again. Then Amol decided to get up and face her. “Why? Nothing. We are just sitting here.” He stammered.

            “Well, we saw you in the morning while we were taking the train and now after so many hours you are still sitting here? Why, beta?” Deeksha asked. “What’s your problem?”

            Tears were rolling down Amol’s cheeks. He did not even know that. Seeing his elder brother weeping, Binod opened his mouth to cry as well.  They liked Deeksha and the ladies who joined her and the weeping went on for some time. The crowd around them was growing large.

            “It’s a clear case of desertion, Madam.” One wise guy commented. Between gasps and whimpering Amol told Deeksha their story. There was hardly any yield from the small plot of land that their father had. When he died their mother asked her younger brother to look after it which he did for some time. But unfortunately they lost their mother to malaria last month. Their uncle or “Mamu’ and his wife told them how difficult it was getting for them to feed them. They hardly got anything to eat. Mamu promised to bring them to the big city where his other sister lived. He said she was well-off and could look after them well. So they came to Calcutta in search of a new life with their maternal aunt. But Mamu left them here to wait for him till he came back but he never returned.  Now they do not know how to go back home or who to turn to.

            Deeksha looked at the ladies. They seemed to have the same thoughts she gathered. “Should we give it a try?” She asked Manjula- di.

            “But where do we keep them? Who is going to have them?” Manjula Biswas was a little apprehensive.

            Deeksha turned to the boys. “Tell me is there anybody you know around here, any address you can give? We can take you there.” Deeksha said but what she got was only blank stares.

“Do you know where your ‘Mashi’ stays. The boys shook their heads. The ladies looked worried. “What do we do now?” Indrani asked.     “Take them to the police?”

            “And have them tortured and abused?” Deeksha was looking at little Binod who could hardly keep his eyes open from weakness and crying all day. “I think I’m going to take them home. I’ll speak to Brinda at Care and see if she can think of something.”

She looked at Amol and took his hand. “Hey, are you scared to come with us?”

Amol said nothing. He just looked down at this brother and tightened his grip on him. “We haven’t done anything wrong, didi. We are just waiting for Mamu.” He said to Deeksha in his unpolished rural dialect.

“I didn’t say that. Ok, if we put you in the train, will you be able to go back home on your own?”

The brothers looked at each other and Binod started weeping again.

“What if we can’t find our way!” Amol said. His eyes were filled with big tears.

“Why, don’t you remember the way you came in?” Deeksha asked the boy.

“We had to take a van and then change two trains.”
”What’s the name of your village?”

“Goraipur.”
”Gouripur?”

“No, Goraipur where the bamboo bridge collapsed the other day and there was a fire in the rice fields.”

Deeksha looked at the ladies. This is not a new story. It’s happening everyday in all rural areas in the state. No way can they trace them back to Goriapur. Maybe the police can, but will they?

            “Well, it seems like you haven’t eaten all day. Want to eat something?” asked Manjula-di. The boys nodded. Binod’s eyes sparkled at the thought of getting something to eat.

            “Then come with us.” Indrani took Binod’s hand while he clutched his elder brother’s hand with the other one. Leaving their contact address at the Station Master’s room, just in case the absconding uncle came looking for the kids, the ladies got into the Inova that was waiting for them outside. The boys huddled in the back clutching each other’s hands.

 ********************

 “Mom, I don’t want to go to India. It’s a rotten place. So hot and dirty. I never want to go there.” Aaron was putting on his baseball gear. There was venom in his voice.

Marianne wondered if her son was getting to be a racist American suffering from zenophobia. “I’d much rather go and see the Grand Canyon with Phil and Hugh.”

“Well, you could, but this should be a great experience for you,” said Marianne to Aaron, the elder of her two boys. “You can go to see the Grand Canyon next Christmas when you come down again, my dear.”

            Aaron was adamant and kept practising throwing an imaginary ball in an imaginary baseball Diamond in the living room. He played for the baseball team in his college and at twenty had made quite a name for himself. He was sure to get a scholarship next semester for his extraordinary performance bringing the college back its trophy from a rival team.

            “Honey, it’s a great place where there are so many interesting places to see. I’ve written to Shalini and she’s organizing a trip to Rajasthan for us. Your Dad wants you two to see Indian forts and palaces. India is not just about poverty and heat only. It has so much history and glory.”

            “Mom, do they have shopping malls and Pizza there?” Benji was getting curious. He was sixteen and was forever hungry.

            “I guess they do. We were there twelve years ago and, I believe, India is very modern today. They have KFC and your favourite McDonald’s there as well. So, I promise, you won’t go hungry, honey.” Marianne ran her fingers through Benjamin’s rough dark hair. He gave her a big smile that said he was ready to go wherever they took him.

            That night Marianne reported to Jonathan that finally she had been able to persuade the boys to go with them to India. Jon did not say anything but just smiled and gave her a wink meaning “I told you, they would finally agree”.

            Marianne’s face clouded. “No, Jon, I’m scared. I’m scared Aaron is growing up to be a nasty and a selfish bigot. I can see he cares for no one but himself and, “she paused for a while, “perhaps for Benji and us. But he’s got to do better than that.” Marianne had tears in her eyes. “I have failed Jon. I have failed to bring him up the way we wanted.” Jonathan knew his wife meant every word she said. He got up and hugged her.

“Let’s take this last chance, shall we?” He said looking into her eyes.

            Shalini Mehta greeted the Eustermann family at the airport with open arms. She was a bundle of energy and could talk non-stop. The flight was a little delayed but by the time they reached the hotel, Shalini had filled them in with all the details of the itinerary that was to begin the next day. As she talked her dark hair that fell to her shoulders glistened in the light and her shimmering silk sari mesmerized Marianne. The boys looked tired and were ready to crash. The heat, even in the middle of December, was bothering them.

“Shalini, I have a request to make. Do you remember I had mentioned something about showing the boys real life in Calcutta, real people and a trip to the countryside? Can we do that please? We’d love to see that? We’d also like to visit the orphanage, if possible.”

“Yeah, why not? I have already kept a day free for you to move around freely wherever you want. We can do that. No problem.”

Jonathan gave her a smile and thanked her for being so thoughtful.

            When Shalini was gone, Aaron and Benji burst out laughing. They made fun of her funny accent and excess of enthusiasm. Everything she did or said sounded too exaggerated to them. Marianne scowled. She reminded them that Indians were by nature very hospitable and helpful. She warned them not to sound arrogant or rude to anybody they met. She made it clear that she wouldn’t tolerate that. The boys chuckled but nodded.

            The trip to Rajasthan was colourful. The boys were happy to go on camelback riding and getting on elephants. The weather too was a welcome change from what it was in Calcutta. It was cooler. While Jonathan and Marianne marveled at the ancient palaces and relics, the boys showed little interest in India’s ancient glory. They found the food tasty though and gorged on ice-cream and jalebis.

            Back in Calcutta, a day trip around the city was too much for the boys especially in and around the temples and places of worship which they found filled with filth and stench that was revolting at times.

“God, why would anyone want to live like this! I wonder!” Aaron said with disgust. He pretended to throw up. Benji rolled on the carpet and laughed while Jonathan struggled to get some decent channel in English on TV trying to ignore their comments. But all he got was news and some ancient cartoon reruns. He laughed and settled for a sports channel that showed a tennis match.

“Well, that’s exactly the point,” Marianne said while she folded clothes into the cupboard. “This is for you to see how people live around the world and count your blessings. Living in the US doesn’t really give you a true picture of the world we live in, boys.”

“Who wants to live anywhere else?” said Aaron frowning.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else either.” Benji said.

“Tomorrow we’ll see how little children live in some places and how. They have no choice like you do.” Marianne said suddenly sounding serious. “They’re lucky if they get a full meal a day!”

“Oh,no. We’re not visiting an orphanage!” Aaron was deflated.

“Yes, we are,” said Jonathan, “and you’d better be ready by nine. Now go to your room.” The boys lazed around for a little longer and when they realised they could not change the plans for the next day, got up and left the room.

3         

Shalini introduced the Eustermanns to Lalita Mitra, the orphanage in-charge. Greetings and pleasantries were exchanged. Shalini explained to Ms Mitra that the Eustermanns had come to donate some money to the orphanage which Ms Mitra accepted most graciously.

“I remember a lady here some years ago. Her name was Mrs Dipali Chanda. Is she still around?” Marianne asked.

“Of course, she is here today even though she is no longer in service. She comes here occasionally as a volunteer and advisor. She is getting on in age, you know.” Lalita smiled.

“I can imagine that.” Marianne smiled back. “Will it be possible for us to meet her today?” Marianne hesitated for a while. “She’ll probably remember us.”

“Oh, I’m sure. Let me see where she is and arrange for a meeting with you. Would you like to wait here?” Lalita waved to a girl and told her to do the needful and disappeared through another door.

            The boys were getting restless. They had seen enough of the poor kids in ill-fitting clothes hugging broken toys, eating out of bowls with their fingers. Aaron found that repulsive! Sooner they could get out of the place, the better it would be for them, he figured.

            Lalita came back in a few minutes and asked them to follow her to the next floor where they were to meet with Mrs. Dipali Chanda. Marianne and Jon climbed up the narrow stairs with the boys following them.

            “Hello, hello,” Mrs Chanda got up to greet the Eustermanns. Her hair was all silver and she looked like a starched shrunken doll in her crisp white sari with a thin red and gold border. Her powerful glasses were thick to make her eyes look larger than usual. Her face obviously had more lines this time than before, Marianne thought. She could realize that Dipali Chanda had not recognised her.

 “It’s so very kind of you to donate such a huge sum for the organization. It’s people like you with big hearts who have kept the organization going. We can do only so much.” She wiped her face with a hanky.           

In a few minutes tea came with sweets and sandwiches which were mostly devoured by the boys in quick succession. The Eustermanns learnt that the cost of running the orphanage had shot through the roof and donations were not pouring in as they did at one time. The fact that newer homes for the poor and orphanages were mushrooming everyday and the NGOs were getting the lion’s share of the money that was coming in for publicity. There was always little money left to run the show. Unfortunately the ones that were suffering were the kids and the needy. Adoption rules have also become so complicated that many people have given up on that unable to wait and watch.

“We do not know what future we can give the little children we have now.” Mrs Chanda looked worried.

            Marianne got up and sat next to her. She took her hand in hers and said, “Do you not remember me, Mrs Chanda?”

Mrs Chanda was a bit startled at this move and leaned back to look at Marianne’s face up close. She blinked a couple times and said, “I have yet to have my cataract operation. But, yes, you do look familiar. Have we met before?”

“We certainly did,” Marianne laughed. About fourteen years ago I was here begging you to give me the gift of motherhood. Not just with one child but two. And you were kind enough to give me both.” Marianne could feel tears rolling down her powdered face. “Look there,” she pointed at the two boys sitting close to their father with knitted eyebrows. Marianne looked at Aaron. She saw horror in his eyes.

“These are the two gems you had gifted me that day.” Marianne was weeping now.

Mrs Chanda got up from her chair and walked towards the boys who cringed with shame. She looked at them and smiled. “Yes, yes. I remember. The two boys that were deserted by their uncle at the station, I remember. They were barely three and five then, I guess.” Mrs Chanda rubbed her eyeglasses.

“When Brinda brought them over to me with a friend of hers, I think, Deeksha or Deesha was the name, I couldn’t believe my ears. We waited for some time for the uncle or any relative to claim them after an ad was brought out in the papers. But no one showed up. Such is life in a country like ours. Poverty and greed can make you do anything. It kills your feelings. It destroys you as a human being.”

Mrs Chanda came back to her chair and sat down. She looked both tired and sad. She was breathless.

“How do you find them now?” Jonathan asked Mrs Chanda.

“Oh, fine, fine. They are delightful. I’m so glad you have taken such good care of them.” She wiped her eyes that were getting moist. Then she turned to Marianne and clasped her hands. “We are ever so grateful to you. Wish all parents could come and pay us a visit now and then.”

Marianne smiled and turned to Shalini and Lalita who were silent witnesses to the drama that just unfolded in front of them. Marianne gave a hug to Lalita. “Thank you for making our life more meaningful.” She looked at Mrs Chanda. “Take care of yourself and get your eyes checked so you can recognize me next time,” she hugged her.

No one said a word on the way to the hotel. Aaron looked ominous and made no eye contact either with his brother or his parents. At the hotel he went straight to his room and shut the door. He did not order food nor did he open the door to his brother. Benji spent the night in his parents’ room. Jonathan and Marianne stayed calm while Benji watched a tennis match on tv.

            Early in the morning there was a knock on Aaron’s room. It was by force of habit that he got up and opened the door. He found Marianne standing there looking at him. She looked tired and perhaps a little sad. Something inside hurt him. Marianne went past him to get in the room and sat on the bed that was made for Benji. She said nothing but just looked at Aaron while he planted himself in front of her on his unmade bed.

When it felt like eons Marianne said, “Where did we go wrong, Aaron? You knew that you were not our own, didn’t you?”
Aaron slid to the floor at her feet and buried his head in her lap. He was howling silently. Marianne put a hand over his shaking body to comfort him. When he looked up, his face was all wet.

“Why did you bring me back here again, Mom? Why?”
”Because we thought you must know where you came from…. because you were the one who was always resisting anything we about India.”

She wiped his face gently with a tissue.

“I knew you had not forgotten everything. Benji was perhaps too small. Perhaps he might have buried it all. We wanted you to know that we truly love you both even though you were not one of us. We wanted you as our own, honey. You know that, don’t you?” Marianne wiped her face. “Darling, we didn’t want to separate you two either so you could have someone of your own always close to you. But, honey, you also had to see what is truly your own. We couldn’t deny you that. Could we?”

“I had forgotten it all. I hated it. I don’t want to remember any of it.” Aaron was sobbing away.

“I know, darling, I know everything. You had not forgotten it all. You were only rejecting it. Believe me, today you have a choice. I know you can face it no matter how hard it’s for you. If you ever want to go back to India to do something for the needy, you can. And I know someday you will.” Marianne wiped the tears that kept rolling down her face. “The world is yours today but, honey, you must look at it with sympathy and not with fear or hate. Promise me that.”

Aaron clutched at Marianne’s housecoat and then let it go. He got up to face her and wiped his face. There was a long silence while he stared blankly at the carpet below.

 “Thank you,” he whispered at length. “Thank you for showing me the world I came from,” he paused and cleared his throat, “the way we were. Thank you for the kindness you have shown to us. All I know is that you are the only mom I have.” He got up and hugged Marianne. He didn’t realize that Benji had also walked in quietly and was witness to his big brother’s rebirth.

Dola Dutta Roy
March 2014